The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
