i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
