oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
