and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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