after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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