Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
