Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I color on your dick again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize