So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
