well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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