Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
