What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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