Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
