You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
