a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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