I am puke
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
