____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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