I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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