I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
