I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize