life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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