hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Welp...herpes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
