the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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