i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
