Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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