I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
