I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
