Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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