Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
