can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
did you just send me my own nude
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
