it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
