she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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