Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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