Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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