I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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