What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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