Define "chronic" masturbator.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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