So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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