I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
