Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
