The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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