is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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