The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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