hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
