I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it hurts more in the daytime
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
