you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
