We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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