at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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