I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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