eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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