Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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