i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize