Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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