Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
