I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
