That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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