Your tits are I can't wait for
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
