Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
