I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
