If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
