I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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