My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
