piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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