theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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