tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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