Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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