he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can you bring me the toilet please
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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