Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
