I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
