Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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