I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
