I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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