you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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