That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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