i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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