Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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