I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
