Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
