are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
