and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What a dumb baby whore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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