If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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