i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
